internetboxfandomcom-20200215-history
Andrew Blanchard
Andrew is a regular member of the Internet Box Podcast. He's known for his beaming red face that shines in the night, being the worlds tallest midget, blasting the most ass out of the Maine 7, and being a professional frauder. Andrew has multiple names but the most common of them being: Red-Faced Fuck, the Jizz Wall Wiper, and MisterSir. He is a sick fuck who loves walls and his long lost love for Patricia. For the past few years Andrew has been wasting his life away chasing Patrica and dead end job, the only thing he has to be proud of is his famous superhero cousin, Nighthawk. "While he may make fun of Mike for being a furry, he himself is a POkEy (a fierce f*cker of Pokemon). His nights are filled with moans and groans as he imagines himself being pierced from behind by Snorlax." -J Skin color Andrew was born with a rare skin disease that makes him a red-faced fuck. The disorder causes his epidermis to be tinted a reddish hue. He is often ridiculed for his appearance by other members of the podcast, but has playfully accepted the hatred. Legend says that if you look up into the night sky his face shines like a beacon; that thing you thought was a bright red star is actually Andrew's face. Also with enough concentration has the ability to shake his head violently and turn purple. (Also he has bitch tits) Personal Life Andrew lives in Iowa (Maine) on a shitty farm. He lives with his mother who is a cop and is currently investigating the wipes of semen on Andrews favorite wall. Andrew is butthurt about the loss of his relationship with Patricia, causing his fascination with white walls. He was engaged in blowjobbery with the famed Gator, but she didn't have the common courtesy to finish him off causing him to have to finish in the lake. Wall wiping isn't the only strange fetish that Andrew enjoys. He has said that he likes to use his morning wood as a joystick and pretend he is flying in an X-Wing, trying to blow up the Death Star. He has recently explained his non-sexual fetish of seeing girls shoot ping-pong balls out of their vaginas. When mentioned Andrew gets a boner at the thought of his cousin Nighthawk as that's the only thing he has to be proud of. It has also been found that he has a fetish for being beaten by buff women, which led to the phrase, "Barbara, kick my ass!" Employment Andrew formerly worked at a grocery store with Patricia but was 'promoted' to a self-serve gas station as of Episode 16, after their relationship got out of hand. He dreams of the day that he can be reunited with his cougar and can sail away with their future children, Kunta Kinte and Shanikwa. His coworkers played a prank on him where as they told him that Patricia was to start working at the gas station. When he freaked it was revealed that they said this to protect the gay kid they were hiring, because Andrew says fag a lot. Entertainment For his entertainment this red-faced fuck enjoys playing spoon (look it up) as stated in episode 42. He also enjoys fabricating a sex moan in his spare time. Wall Fetish Andrew eagerly embraced on Episode 9 that he loves having sex with walls. He eagerly told the story of how he had on many occasions sexual relations with a wall. Some say he got this fetish after having sex with his former lover Patricia, who in the sack is known to be "Like a Wall." Andrew is also known in Mexico as Satisfacer la Pared or The Wall Satisfier. To share his love for cold white walls, he is planning on releasing his own brand o f wall paint. Version History After coming to the revelation that he was a racist fuck, he decided to follow the path of Brandon Farnahini and upgrade to Version 2.0. Andrew 2.0 The improvment from 1.0 to 2.0 is he obtained the illusion that he isn't racist, even though it became worse. In this version he also preaches about religion. Andrew 3.0 In this improvement he went from 2.0 to 3.0 where the new feature was the ability to exercise through walking. He burns approximently 45 calories between each podcast. Has said that he will only watch Brunette or Asian porn. Andrew 4.0 In this he erupts to his most current form where he has sex with whales. He makes porn with Asian babies in the middle of the ocean, while using whales as lube. Andrew 4S This very odd version of Andrew is 20% more homophoebic and racist. This version is also hateful to retards and likes when women abuse him. Andrew 5.0 Coming this fall. It will be priced at 30-40 racist remarks per podcast. ----